the next chapter

i think i don't wanna be the anarchist bitch anymore.  and i think this blog is probably pretty much done, but like my spacey stacy blog, it will still be around.  anyway, in case you missed the announcement, here's my new blog, the next chapter

one-two

ONCE UPON A TIME...
a very young,
very messed up girl
fell deeply and madly in love
with a very messed up man
even as messed up as she was
she knew that together
they would only get worse
so she set off to get better
without him.
she found some one
just one, but that's enough
who was kind to her
and who allowed her
the space and time
needed to heal
and she got better
and lived happily ever after
unfortunately
the man in her dreams
(who wasn't really there
when she needed him)
chose differently
and he never got better.
THE END

***

he never knew
but he showed me
he never looked
to see it himself
he never knew
what was there
all along, forgotten
ignored, denied
he didn't know
he never saw
i didn't know
he was too much
a coward!
afraid to look
inside his own heart
to find the love
he thought he never had

too late (from november, 2013)

it's not sad, it's too late to be sad
for the drug addicted star that self destructed
like all the other drug addicted famous people
the ones you hear about in the news every day

you are sad because you want to believe
in the lie they call the american dream
but it's as dead as that junkie whore
who sold her soul to the silver screen

that's what is so sad
is that nobody noticed
when she really died
drugs kept her animated
as though she were alive
but something inside her
died long before that
maybe it was hope that died
that spark inside
that keeps us going
the ones who survive
and leaves the rest
lying in the dust

but wait! there's more!
you can get a free ipad
with orthodontal work
or discount botox injections
yeah, maybe that will help


...
we don't need more dead heroes...
dead poets, dead artists, dead rock stars
another dead mystic to hang from a tree

...

untitled, from yesterday

brick walls and denial
stockholm syndrome
cognitive dissonance

everybody deserves
to be treated with respect
even if they don't think so
it is up to you, what you do

"what if she wants it?" is no excuse.

white light junkies

splinter 
in the eye

why 
are they starting 
to sound like 
the wives of drunks, 
justifying the abuse?

maybe 
they need 
to turn 
some of their 
"healing energy" 
on themselves

work in progress

if you give unconditional love
to an abusive asshole
you will get abused by them

seriously
at some point it's not about the kind of forgiveness
that enables the cycle to continue anymore,
and becomes an issue of loving yourself enough
to not put up with their harmful behavior.

love by itself isn't enough to make a relationship work,
especially not when one (or both) partners won't even try.
and it's not easy, to walk away from everything
you put into it trying to make it work, feels like failure,
like if you could have tried just a little bit harder,
or if you could have loved them just a little bit more, maybe...

but maybe doesn't count
because unconditional love is that kind of trap
that abusive assholes love to use
to manipulate their victims.
no matter how much they blame you,
or the alcohol, or the drugs, or their parents,
or their job, or their social status, or whatever the fuck
they gotta blame somebody or something else,
it's not your fault they're like that.
it's not your job to fix anybody else.
that's all on them. you can't help.

your love,
no matter how much you love them,
it isn't enough.
it only enables more abuse.

so if love were a choice,
why would we do this to ourselves?

i don't think you get to choose love,
you either feel it or you don't.
like all the other feelings,
maybe even moreso than the rest,
it isn't rational, you can't rationalize it,
it doesn't make sense.
that doesn't mean it isn't valid.

sometimes
when you love somebody too much,
they take it for granted you always will,
no matter what they do.
sometimes
you wish that were true,
sometimes it just isn't.

more poetry from yesterday...

what if...

what if love was a gift
not an investment
and you stopped
expecting a return?
what if love were free?
no price to pay
no debt owed
no contractural fees,
administration costs,
nor balances due?

your mileage may vary

************

what if love was a train?
would yours have wrecked?
where would it go?

when my ship came in
i was waiting for a train
maybe the love boat
would have been better

chattanooga choo choo
was turned into a hotel
no passenger trains
come here any more

and johnny cash
dead, still sings
songs of trains
and love

"tolerance"

some things cannot be rationalized
because there's nothing rational about it
it doesn't matter what you might say
your mockery doesn't change it
maybe you can't hear the music
doesn't mean there is no reason
for them to dance...

besides, it's just more divisive rhetoric
pitting you against all them others
who don't think you should decide for them
because their faith isn't up to you
nor is it up for public debate
being a personal relationship with the divine
even if you don't have one
maybe they really do
and who are you to say they're wrong?

i think i'll call this one "tolerance"
because that is what they call it, i think
when people don't act like shitheads to each other
for being different from what you think
is the right way to be.

you don't get to decide for them.

unorganize!

if i got to decide
(which i don't)
but if i did
i would say
we all should
vote for ourselves
and make it
unanimous

fuck anonymous

i made a poem while out walking the dog today

too cold...
no traffic no birds
everything is quiet
except my footsteps
on frozen ground
futile attempt
to tread lightly...
crunch
crunch
crunch