Friday, February 29, 2008

another old post from my other blog
5 nov 2007

why was I chosen for this task the spirits have given me? this confounded me, haunted me, frightened me for most of my life. It wasn't so terrible as a small child, the spirits were my friends, my playmates, I knew they would never harm me. But when I got older, and realized that other people didn't know about these spirits, I learned to be afraid. I was terrified I'd be found out, that my friends might learn that I wasn't like them, that I was different, strange, a freak.

When the world laughed at Shirley Maclaine, I grew even more afraid. I dared not admit to anyone that I agreed with her and saw no cause for ridicule, and I became afraid to draw that ridicule upon myself. I did everything I could to fortify those walls I had already built between me and everyone else, to hide who I am from them out of fear.

And still the notion that invisible beings had some sort of hand in who I am, and wanted something from me, really bothered me. Why were they giving me these visions and dreams? I didn't want to be different. I just wanted left alone and to leave people alone. Until the children came along, I would have been perfectly happy to live out in the woods much as Thoreau did in his Walden experiment, except permanently. Alone, where I could commune with nature and the spirits and not have to worry about anyone thinking I'm crazy, delusional, insane, because there wouldn't be any other people around.

Was I chosen? Are we not all of us chosen? Is the only difference between us that I am not fighting it anymore, not trying to be like everyone else, okay with who I am, warts and all?

You don't have to believe what I believe is true. But I do. When I start to doubt, my pain comes back. I was hurting my entire life, and now that the pain is gone, I can't go back there again. I am happy now, and I like it so much better than the constant anger and rage that I always felt before. I do have a choice, and I have made my decision. It's entirely up to you what you choose to believe. Just remember that my beliefs cause harm to nobody, please do not try to harm me with what you believe to be true.

And really, all I want anyone to do is question their beliefs, not to negate them, but to find Truth, as truth stands up to scrutiny. Only false beliefs are harmed when people ask the difficult questions. I know that truth is so much larger than I am that I can never see the whole picture. I know that what is true for me may not be true for you, and that's OKAY! Just the act of trying to find it, that's what counts, that is what is going to set us all free!!


“and now that the pain is gone, I can't go back there again.”

this bears repeating. This is why I *must* believe. I don't care whether anyone else believes or not, or if they think the government has put some sort of micro-chip radio in my head, or any other ludicrous notion along those lines. You should hear the doozies I've heard lately, other people trying to explain away and negate my personal experiences, just because they are afraid of that which they do not understand!

I find it much preferable to believe, and to not hurt anymore, than to doubt and live with the sort of constant pain I always experienced before. But hey, that's my choice! You don't have to agree with it. I really don't care. (that's not true, I do care, and I don't like seeing people in pain, but there's nothing I can do if they find the pain preferable than the journey within to face their own fears.)


You are divine, my dear. You are made of the same stuff as galaxies! You are a Sun, you shine so bright. Do not fear that you will be blinded by looking at yourself. Go within, gaze at the brightness inside, unafraid of what you might find.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

letter to a friend

the unnatural order of things can't last much longer. when people stop trying to control the world, a natural order will emerge, one that really works for everyone's best interest, rather than the best interest of only the few who rule. it's really gonna happen, Dave, and we'll live to see it!

i was given vision of three possible futures. we are now in one of them, and it's not one of the scary ones. i wish i could show you how wonderful this is, how certain i am of things i know are starting to happen now. it's just words anyway. i do believe. and i don't have those fears and doubts anymore. the spirits are very happy, and this makes me happy.

everything's gonna be okay, I just KNOW it is. It's not going to be easy, nothing ever is. But it will be lots of fun for those who don't fight it. be true to your spirit, it will never lie to you. Humans lie all the time, but true spirit doesn't. People try to make spirit a lie, what with santa clause and the tooth fairy, but those are just lies people tell. follow your inner guide and you can make your wildest dreams come true!!


Sunday, February 17, 2008


(not egg-laying mammals)

all those empty words
when i bared my soul
opened my heart to you
what did i get in return?

first you said one thing
then you said not so
then you said it was again
and you accuse ME
of toying with YOU?!!

i never asked you to share your “wisdom” with me
all i asked was your name

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

"ooooh, I'm so enlightened and full of love"

give me a forkin break. You love everyone so much it oozes out of your pores like the smell of stinky socks. get over yourself. you aren't better than anyone else just because you only think good thoughts. you aren't better than me because you don't ever get upset or feel anger. get a grip. you are denying the horrors of this world, call it illusion all you want, but is that going to feed that family with no food in their kitchen? How is calling it an illusion going to make the bruises on that child go away or stop hurting any sooner? Face it, life sometimes sucks. It's not all peaches and roses and whatever the trendiest herbal concoction is for today. And you know what? I don't need your religion that tells me how wrong I am to get upset when people starve or freeze to death, in their own homes!! I'm gonna get upset about it, and I'm gonna yell about it. And if you don't like it, cover your ears and hum "ohm shanti ohm shanti" whatever it is you say when you go to that zillion dollar spa in the himalayas. Somebody's got to speak out, and LOUDLY, because far too many are listening to your peace and love and kindness BS and not facing the cold hard facts that life isn't so pretty for most people in this world of ours. This world really SUCKS for a lot of people! It's time to get pissed off and do something about it, DAMMIT!

this is who I am. How is it your place to tell me to change? fuck a bunch of that crap. go on with your perfect self and your perfect life and your perfect world where nobody feels anything. My path is just as valid as yours, and I'm actually DOING something, not just talking a bunch of love and harmony crap that doesn't apply in the real life world.

check this out:
gotta laugh, else I'd just sit here and cry…

hey, y'all that want to preach LOA to me, do me a favor and go ahead and remove me from your friends list. I'm over it. I'm sick of it. Nothing you say is going to change who I am or what I believe. And nothing I say is going to make you understand my big problems I have with religions that make you afraid to be human, tell you what to believe, what to think, and how to act, in order to be “good”because I believe all people are good, we just sometimes make mistakes.I do not believe in EVIL. I recognize it was invented by Plato for the ruling elite to more effectively govern the masses. If you don't want to recognize true history, if you insist on believing the lies, go away and leave me the fuck alone already.

Several people lately felt it their place to proselytize at me. NOTHING pisses me off more than that sort of holier-than-thou if only you believed what I believe you wouldn't be such a mess crapola they feed the sheep who don't want to think for themselves. I don't care what your religion is, it's not mine, keep it to your own damn self if you think I should change my beliefs because they aren't the same as yours. Fuck that. I love talking about religion, that's not the problem, it's when people think I should believe theirs that pisses me off so much. Or when they think my religious beliefs can be defined with their religion, that's even worse. That's cultural genocide, no matter how you look at it. Why does your religion need to fit my beliefs anyway? I don't have any need to force my beliefs down anyone else's throat. I don't need to define your religion in terms of my own.

they won't listen. Their MASTER has given them TRUTH, and carved it in stone perhaps for the sole purpose of beating it upside people's heads. They take it upon themselves to tell me what's wrong with me, without bothering to read a single word I've written. They want me to know their truth, but turn a deaf ear to mine. That's why I figured I was safe posting about it here, they don't bother reading anyone's words but their own. ANd they call themselves “friends”

... I thought it was funny. HA! and this is my blog, and why do I have to always post things that makes you feel good? you know? sometimes I don't wanna feel good, sometimes I DON'T feel good, and why can't I blog whatever the hell I want to? Plenty of zaadsters like to blog about your religions, that tell me I'm “bad” because I think unhappy thoughts sometimes, or that I'm going to burn in hell for all eternity because your Jesus didn't die for my sins, or because my Momma was not the right bloodline, or whatever. Just because I disagree with the religion, doesn't mean I'm attacking anyone personally. Now, if they feel attacked by my words, that's their fuckin problem, not mine.

I was not attacking anyone in particular, but a certain way of thinking about things that is predominant in our society, and has even snuck into our cozy little bubble here at zaadz. If my rant offends, that is only because you choose to see yourself in my words, not because I intended any disrespect to you in particular, or anyone else for that matter. I'm attacking the notion of Universal Absolutes, that there is some sort of objective Truth that applies equally to all people. I don't buy it. That idea has been used for ages by those in power to retain control of the people. I'll not drug myself into a state of non-thinking by accepting such nonsense as true.

I own my words, all of them. I meant every single word of it. This is who I am. I do not speak untruths. I am not able to do so. THAT's what my religion is all about, and I don't need it to be defined in terms of anyone else's beliefs. That's my whole point with this post. You don't know what I believe to be true, and you certainly cannot tell me that your Truth applies to my reality. AND… just because this is true for me, doesn't make it true for anyone else. It's all about ME. This is my blog. This is why I blog, to talk about ME, to find out more about myself. It's all about an inward journey, for me, at least for now, anyway.

edit one more time:
“possibly, you could speak to those who offend you directly instead of vaguely ranting at them. that takes courage though.”
done that, they delete my comments on their blogs most every time. :-) So I have to share my words here, on my own blog instead.
but sometimes, they don't delete my words, and we enter into the most amazingly insightful email conversations!!

why Ron Paul ain't no better'n them rest of 'em

Ron Paul will win. And it won't matter who or how many vote for him. They've already decided, and they're feeding it to us bit by bit, slowly, so the sheeple won't be suprised when it is announced. It doesn't matter who you vote for!! It's a LIE! Your votes are never counted!! That has been proven TWICE now, already. Are we going to fall for it a third time? I'm not.

This grassroots movement is also a LIE! It's the new propaganda, and it's sneakier than the old kind, and it's really working, else you all wouldn't be here spouting off about some politician gonna fix the government that is far too broken to ever be fixed. Voting for Ron Paul means you think the system is fixable and that it can work. Thing is, the system was never intended to work!! It never did work and it never will. Bush didn't win either election, yet he's been president seven years now. What is wrong with this picture?

USA is not a democracy, it is a Republic, just like Plato explained. It's not about what is good for us, it's about making us think we want the abuse those in power dish out. The constitution never gave anyone freedom, the sole purpose was to make the people willingly give away their freedoms for the good of the state.

Ron Paul is just the only alternative they are offering us to a militaristic police state. Who can possibly choose anyone else? It's a trick. You have your choice between bad, really really bad, and criminally insane. We'd all be insane to elect the other two options, who can argue that? And since when has a candidate's campaign promises ever made a hill of beans of difference? It is your choice to believe the lies or not. Same as it is mine. I refuse to be manipulated by a phoney sense of making a difference, when voting means you give up your right to do anything about the government yourself, putting your faith in someone else. Be the change doesn't mean vote for someone else to do it for you. Do it yourself.

here's an example: say there's a pothole in the street outside your house. You have several options available to you. You can sit at home and call the government, expecting someone to eventually come around and fix the problem. You can stand out in the street yelling at the top of your lungs about it. Or you can get up off your sorry ass, grab a shovel, and fill the hole yourself. Voting amounts to waiting for someone else to fix the problem. Protesting amounts to screaming in the streets. A real change means people actually doing something themselves to make a difference. The choice is yours, and mine, and everyone else's, to make for ourselves, each of us.


they have been spinning it so's to make us accept Ron Paul as our next President. I have no doubt they intend for him to “win” (but we all know, deep down inside, they don't even count our votes). Ron Paul is the new frontman, no less a puppet than Ronald Reagan, representing the same global ruling elite. The new propaganda uses personal blogs and forwarded emails to create a certain public image, and to present as facts anything they want us to think. They tell us he's the only alternative to a militaristic police state. They tell us the Constitution guarantees us freedom. It's all LIES! The government is what caused all the problems, how can anyone expect government to fix the problems it created in the first place?!!

liberal vs. conservative - a false distinction

Due to recent issues with my blogs at (formerly zaadz) and at myspace, I will now undertake the task of copy and pasting whatever things I said those places that I want to keep in case those other blogs get disappeared or something.

the division of politics into “right” and “left,” “liberal” and “conservative” is a false distinction. Both sides are pro-government, in support of the very system that enslaves the people. Fighting amongst ourselves over such false divides is what prevents us from doing anything about the situation we find ourselves to be in. If we are for the people, we must necessarily be against government. Government serves the ruling elite, there is no denying that fact any longer, if it ever were possible (because people have been having these same discussions for many centuries, if not longer). Government serves The State, which power comes from individual people sacrificing their own individual freedoms for the good of the group. Well, as Thoreau said, when the people no longer need government, there will no longer be any government. And then Santayana and Pierce and James and those folks took up the chorus, added a few new ideas, and then later, King and Kennedy and them folks, too. It's nothing new, what I'm talking about. It's just that so few people ever feel comfortable discussing such matters. People don't like being told of how they are slaves, willing slaves, and how their lives are not free. People get very angry, upset, and often violent when you try to tell them these truths. They would much prefer to believe in an illusion of freedom, call it Liberty or Justice if you must, those things only resemble freedom in that is what they want you to believe. But it's up to you, each one of us, to decide for ourselves what to believe. I'm not believing all the lies anymore, I can't go back now, I've come too far to turn around and just give up hope.

Saturday, February 2, 2008


it wants to consume me
and I'm afraid
do I have to do this alone?

world piece

make me make that sound
you know the one
take me to that place
the one only you and I know
to hell with the rest of the world
let's just hole up and fuck