Sunday, March 16, 2008

i'm not gonna even try to change the world

it's about letting go of control. it's not about changing the world so much as it's about letting the world change itself. it's not so much about changing myself as it is about letting myself grow and change in my own way and in my own time. likewise for everyone else. you get it? surrender, trust, these are difficult concepts, especially for men... we are taught that is weak, is pitiful, is bad and wrong and sometimes even EVIL. but it's not. it's just that everything feminine has been villified by the male ruling elite for far too long. these false distinctions, these judgments we make about things, separating existence into digestible little chunks, it's all subjective anyway, only exists within the framework of our minds. (same with time and space, but that's a whole 'nother story)

i'm not gonna even try to change the world. what i'm gonna do is stop trying to control that change. that's what i think needs to happen. but everyone has gotta decide for themselves, else it don't count. there's things i gotta do, but not right now. right now i'm waiting for the people who are going to help me do those things i gotta do, because i can't do it alone. and that's okay, too. it's damn good, actually, to know i don't have to do it alone, to realize i'm not the only one the ancestors are calling to task. and it's still my decision to make, whether to listen to them or not. same as those others. but enough of us will listen, and we will do what they ask, and the world will change. because it has to. not because we make it happen, but because we finally get out of the way and let it happen.

all i know is that i perceive my experience to be bad when i choose not to listen to my inner guiding voice, my conscience, my spirit guide, whatever you wanna call it or however you wanna see it. i don't like the pain and suffering that comes when i listen to what other people say instead. so i gotta listen to him (and yes, he is a him, and he is separate from who i am, and there's nothing wrong with that) because my past experiences have taught me it is in my best interest to do so. i have to trust that all people have such an inner guide, a conscience, that tells them right from wrong. and that when offered the choice, they will choose not to hurt others anymore, but to do what is right.

and still, my words are all wrong, you know. i don't think in english. this language we are using is nowhere near complex enough to adequately express my thoughts. it's so very limiting. so everything i say is wrong and open to misinterpretation... but i keep trying. some people, like you maybe, understand what i'm about regardless what i say. other folks are never going to get it, no matter what i say. for me, putting it into words helps a lot. doesn't matter if i ever find the right words, it's the process of looking for them that makes such a difference.


Anonymous said...

I love this, Stacy! I spent a lot of time last year working with a friend who leads trainings for "visionaries." It was a beautiful experience, enriching and enlightening on so many counts. Yet there was this "earnestness" about changing things that I realized doesn't go with my flow. Because I am working through my own cultural conquest and unraveling whatever binds the savage, natural man inside of me, I became real sensitive to how the Christian, anti-tribal paradigm and presumptions have gotten reformulated, even by people who might label themselves "ecological" or "pagan." There's still this fundamental notion of "right and wrong" and of "salvation," that somehow the world and everything in it needs to be "saved" from its own inherent nature.
Little Big O (who thinks that you're honey and dynamite in a strangely extravagant and delicious mix)

Janet said...

This is beautiful! Just what I needed to hear in this perfect moment.
Thank you.